But living in Eastern KY, you might start to doubt there was family out there who didn’t live this way.  You might even think that this is the WAY of Life and my loved one will never change.  Countless times we have had our hearts broken, been manipulated {Again, and again, and again…}, and have tried tirelessly to change someone who Refuses to change or get help.  Time after time we question why. Why? Why won’t they change? Why do the treat me this way?  Why don’t they just straighten up?

Bottom Line – Why should they?

We are so focused on changing them…our family.  Naturally.  They hurt us and their selves.  However, trying to change someone is like banging your head against the wall trying to make a door. It’s not going to happen.  Believe me, I have lived my whole life this way until about year or so ago! It’s up to you to change. Change how you react and change your behavior. How? STOP!!!

• Stop the nagging and threatening
• Stop giving money and any other material things
• Stop saving them and rescuing them
• Start saying no and setting boundaries
• Take care of you and what is important to you
• PUT God first and not the individual

There can be Peace and you deserve it. It seems impossible….scary….and pointless…and almost selfish.  Yet change has to happen before the peace can happen.  Change can start very, very, small by telling yourself each day you are lovable and deserve happiness. Don’t beat yourself up for giving in or feeling like a failure. Change takes time. Loving and taking care of you BEFORE trying to take care of your family – especially the chaotic one – sounds so selfish and against what we were taught.  Guess what? Have you thought about the person you are rescuing and the selfish lifestyle they are living? Not enabling the addict can save their life.

Of course, I could write an entire book on rescuing, trying to change someone, and tough love.  Thankfully I don’t have to and am still learning myself.  Did you know there are support groups that deal just with the families of addicts or who grew up in addictive homes? It’s called Alanon. It’s free, safe, and confidential for people to vent, scream, cry, laugh, and support each other when you feel you’re in this situation alone.  I started attending in ’08 and was surprised that other people were nuts just like me! Wow!

I hope and pray for you and your family through these challenges.  Change can happen in Eastern KY or any home but it takes someone to change.  Check out a local meeting sometime — there are a few close by.  See the Alanon (http://www.kyal-anon.org/alalist.html) website for more info.

INSANITY = Doing the same thing over and over and over YET EXPECTING a different result!!