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| Grandpa's Voice. 6-3-04
Hi everyone! I haven't written in a long time, sorry for the delay. Well, it's been a busy, if not hectic week. My brother, while staying overnight at his cousins house gave us quite a scare. Earlier this week, he was lifting a window, and somehow it shattered. He got a nasty gash on his arm, earning him 16 stitches. He still insisted on going to school the next day, though Mom objected. He said that he wanted to "show off his battle wound." We have plans to go visit my grandpa today. He's not doing so well. He's in the veterans center in Hazard, (nice place) and he really likes it there. He has a lot of friends, and nurses who adore him. I'm happy that he's in a great place with great people. A couple of months ago they discovered that he had a tumor on his lung, which they cant operate on, they also said they wouldn't advise radiation, that it would most likely only makes things worse, shortening his life. He's a wonderful, wonderful man! And I'm blessed that I still have him around at 18 years old. Last week he was telling me a story of how years ago, Hazard had a big flood. He said that out of the flood, he ended up getting over 60 quarts of oil that had floated down stream. He then showed me a picture of his father (whom is a splitting image of grandpa) setting on the steps of an old house. Evidently that same house was also washed away in a flood. I tell ya, he can tell ya some stories. See, after Grandpa came back from the war, he was badly shell shot. He became very disconnected from reality, lapsing, and seeing things which weren't there, most of them war related. He had times of clarity, but from the stories my Grandma has told me, life was made very hard for him, as well as grandma and her kids. But with age I suppose things got better for him, hardly ever having a relapse again. I remember going over to visit my Grandmother whenever I was a little girl, Grandpa would be sitting out on the porch and singing to the top of his lungs and playing the banjo. He still has a banjo, my aunt bought it for him, though he cant play anymore, but still, even though it's hard for him, he will shock us by bursting out into one of those old songs to the top of his lungs there in the Veterans center. He loves one that's called "Old shep" which I've never heard anyone else sing but him. It's about an old dog. He's a big fan of Johnny Cash too, almost every time we walk in he's listening to one of his tapes. I'm very proud of him. He had smoked cigarettes all of his life, and a couple of years ago he quit cold turkey. He also gave his life over to the Lord, which is awesome! He like's for me to sing that Judd's song to him " Grandpa" and "Amazing grace." So sometimes we just set around and sing together. I love him very much. Well, I'm gonna stop writing for now, God bless ya'll, and have a great week! Midnight One Day by Midnight 3-24-04 I could have been no older than eight at the time, I was quite the tomboy, climbing tree's and getting more scrapes and bruises than any of the little boy's in the neighborhood. I remember every year dad would buy a hog or two. These things were massive, grunting and rooting at the ground, and they caught my curiosity. One year, dad brought two of the biggest, overweight hog's I had ever seen home, he hadn't expected them to be so huge either, and the pen he had built was just a wee bit too small. So he called a couple of his friends over and they went to work building, but for the moment, he locked these two grunting monster's into our basement (even though Mom objected). Her told us that they were wild, and to stay as far away as possible. Well....needless to say I wanted a peek, so while they were working, I told my mother I was going out to play, and sneaking to the outside basement door, I opened it to have a peek. I couldn't spot them out as I stood there squinting, so I decided to just step inside, and get a closer look. As soon as I softly stepped into the damp basement I heard a high pitched squeal. Not expecting this, my eyes grew wide and with a gasp I ran, the open door forgotten, I was terrified I was to become pig slop. Well,.......one can easily guess what the outcome was, one of the massive hogs came grunting out after me. I don't think I've ever ran so fast, and when I reached the steps I practically flew to the top, staring down at the ugly thing with it's small beady eyes and muddy hooves. Instantly it seems Mom was on the porch, screaming for my father and asking what in the world I had done. Well....dad ran around the house questioning what the screaming was about, only to find himself face to face with this thing with an awful temper. We were all so shocked, that the other pig was forgotten, but he made his presence known as his friends started yelling from the backyard. " He sprinted up the steps also, instantly lecturing that although they were pigs, with their size and temper, they were dangerous. And then came the ultimate question from my Mom, " How are you gonna get those things into the pen now with them running around?" Ahhh...well, as I watched from the back porch, I had a front row seat to the funniest thing I have ever seen. Around 4 grown men, my mother, and my aunt, (whom lived next-door) all chasing these hogs, and then the hogs turning to chase them in return. My aunt ended up almost earning a broken toe as one of them stomped her foot. I watched as they finally cornered one and ran him into the pen, and soon, after around an hour of chasing the other, and being chased ( Who knew pigs could run so fast?) they succeeded with the other. We ended up having some hard earned fresh porkchops that year. God bless, Midnight Chances by Midnight 2-20-04 A while back, my mother and I were shopping around Hazard, the day was going slow, and we were both restless. We ended up in Walmart, she decided to pick up some cleaning supplies so I informed her that I was going to check out the books. I spaced out, as I usually do as I reached the isle, looking for another Dean Koontz book to add to my little collection. I was scanning the back of one of the books, completely focused on the brief description when I noticed someone directly beside me. I raised my head and noticed a handsome looking gent. in a black leather coat, black hair, tanned, scanning the back of a book as well. He must have sensed my study because he glanced up and gave a little smile. Embarrassed that I had been discovered, I gave a thin smile and continued to read. I was wearing a huge old navy sweat shirt which swallowed me, baggy jeans, my hair was back in a bandana, and I had hardly wore any makeup " Eh Gads" I thought, " I look like I've been ran over with a tractor freshly rode through a cow pie pasture. I considered striking up a conversation, but then decided against it. An elderly man walked slowly down the isle, looking as if he were having a hard time. He was holding a bag of Hershey kisses and just as he walked behind the leather coat clad fella, he dropped them. Just as I was about to walk over and retrieve them for him, Mr. leather coat did just that. " Here you go," he said to the man, giving one of the most genuine smiles I have ever seen. " Let me move out of your way," he said softly. The old man, which before had the _expression of one not having not so good of a day, instantly brightened. He walked on, and I turned back to the book once more. I turned and looked at him, that was all I needed after seeing that simple, yet wonderful display of kindness. I raised my brow, and asked if he were a fan of Dean, " Oh yes," he said, and instantly started chatting about his favorites. I recalled my favorites to him also. After deciding I had found the book I wanted, I turned, " It was nice to meet you," I said. And started to walk away. " Wait," he said from behind me, "would it be rude if I asked for your name?" I turned and reached out my hand and made my introduction, and so did he. So polite, so sweet, and easy on the eyes to boot, I thought, there has to be a major flaw here. I turned and said my good-byes again, only to have my name called. " Could I be as rude as to ask if your single?" he asked. Oh good lord, I thought. I felt my cheeks grow red, but nevertheless, I turned. He reached for my hand and smiled. I stiffend,"Ummm.....y..y..yes I do," A complete and utter dirty lie. I instantly wanted to kick myself as hard as I possibly could. "Oh...Im sorry," he said a bit more sadly than I found comfortable. " I was just instantly drawn to you," I forced a smile, instantly wishing I could take back my thoughtless words. " It's ok," I stammered, trying to resist the urge to snatch my hand away and run. " No offense taken ____." At last he released his gentle grip, and I walked away. I waited until I found a deserted isle before I started stomping and calling myself an idiot. During this silly display I heard a gasp and realized a middle aged lady was looking at me as if I had suddenly sprouted snakes from my hair. My cheeks grew an even deeper shade of crimson, and I gave a mortified smile. I left with my book, but unhappy nonetheless. But before we left. I pointed Mr. leather coat out to my mother and she said exactly what I was thinking, "Are you nuts girl?" The moral of my little experience in this story is.....some of us are afraid to take chances. We don't stop to think that these little callings may very well be the ones that could change our lives forever. Fear, however small, however gigantic, can knock us out of what could possibly be the chance of a lifetime. I still am not sure what possessed me to tell the white lie that I was indeed, dating at the moment to such a seemingly perfect young man. Maybe it's change, the very word itself can stir doubt and tension in the strongest of us all. A change in the rhythm of our lives, could be one that could make our lives magical, or maybe even....destroy them. But, which is worse, making a possibly bad choice, or wondering "What if?" I don't have the awnser to that, but I do know that in the future, I will think before I speak, and review the situation before I make a rushed decision, who knows, maybe the next "Mr. Black leather coat" could turn out to be my prince charming...ha.. God bless, Midnight Sunday by Midnight 1-19-04 Sunday shortly after my mother has gone off to work, I suddenly remembered that a herd of hungry kittens were waiting outside to be served. Ashes, our beloved Siamese has given us 5 little lovely presents, which have the appetite of 5 starving elephants. " Feed the kittens" she had ordered me as she walked out of, my bedroom door "And watch out for the neighbors chickens, they have gotten loose, last night one was stealing food from poor ashes." Shrugging and yawning I nodded, unaware that a great war lay ahead.... Still in a morning haze, rubbing my eyes, I slowly crept out of bed groaning with the need for more sleep, but all too aware of the kitten farm outside. I made my way into the kitchen, found the Friskies in one of the lower cabinets, and then continued the walk to find my way sleepily to the back door. I was dragging my feet, unaware that every nerve in my body would be alive within the next five minutes. I didn't bother with a coat, considering I was under the impression that I would be out and in quickly. I stepped outside clutching the bag with eyes still heavy, clad in my Scooby doo pajamas and fuzzy leopard house slippers and croaked "Here kitties" and shook the Friskies bag to alert them. Here they came, all of the little fuzz balls with overweight Ashes trudging along behind them, looking as exhausted as I felt. I spotted their dish on the porch and began filling it with hard smelly cat food. They at once ran to it, gobbling it up greedily, unaware of me standing there. Suddenly I noticed what I had forgotten, I spotted their water dish, which was almost empty. Groaning I walked back inside and trudged back into the kitchen, after a while I found one of the spring water filled jugs we keep for the purpose of our kitten farm. Swinging it lazily back and forth I began the seemingly long journey back to the front door. I lay my free hand upon the knob and twisted, as soon as it opened, I caught my breath and a look of pure disbelief crossed my features. To one side of the porch, the kittens, along with their chubby mother, in a tight little crowd, hair raised in offense, on the other side, feasting on the Friskies, were 5 plump roosters, pecking away and clucking as if they were laughing at the supposed carnivores in the corner. I stood there, holding my water jug, suddenly awake. At first I was amused by this sight, I stood there with my head tilted to one side wishing I had a camera. Then, I felt as offended as the kittens in the corner, a little spout of anger poured through my veins. The morning time is the worst for me, I wake up feeling as if I could breath fire, in a terrible mood. " Ughhhhhh" I moaned and lazily walked over shooing the squawking things away, only wanting to see my cats fed. I felt sorry for the chickens at first, they kept giving those pathetic squawks as if I had broken their heart. Satisfied, seeing them strut away clucking at me as if I were an evil, heartless thing, I walked back inside. Just as I was closing the door, I heard a peculiar sound " Raaaaaik" turning I zoomed back outside, only to realize the chickens has deceived me. Tricky things, I thought. After shooing them away a second time, then having to return once more, I began to get angry, I stomped over and fanned my hands a bit, watching four of the chickens flap in surprise and strut away, but to my amazement, one remained. The proud blue-green rooster ruffled his feathers, I pierced him with a stony gaze, he returned it, adding a low "cluck" for good measure. There he stood, challenging me, then almost smugly, lowered his head and began to eat again. I became angry, how dare this rooster steal from my kittens, then laugh at me in his animal way! " Oh no you don't!" I yelled defiantly. " Your master is next-door, go purge on their food!" I stomped beside him, but once again to my surprise he did was raise that head, and give the sound "cluck." I was practically bouncing with rage now, I pummeled into the house, searching for something to intimidate my feathered enemy. I spotted a broom leaning against the wall in the kitchen, " Ah ha!" I yelled in triumph. I practically danced back out of the back door, swinging my tool with a grin upon my face. I looked over at the kitten's, hair raised, hissing. Poor things, helpless, I made a promise to myself that I would banish their enemy. I looked over at this evil spawn, he raised his feathered head, turned, and clucked his little laugh. I came forward with the broom, swinging it above his head yelling like a mad woman. He stood his ground, flapping his wings in defiance, the tiny beast wouldn't go that easily. Im sure I looked quite odd out there in my Scooby doo pajamas, fuzzy slippers, and sleep styled hair. Then at once, it hit me.........what am I doing? This poor thing is hungry! I clutched the broom in a last half hearted attempt to defy him, but I couldn't. I hung my head with shame. I said more to myself than to the rooster. " Im sorry, continue" and went back in to retrieve the cat food to put in a separate dish for the kittens. When I came back out of the door, I stood there, a little amused. There Mr. rooster stood, right in front of me, seeming to be planning his attack. Then, the funniest thing happened, he puffed up, clucked once, turned, and strutted away, seeming to say "All you had to do was ask nicely." My neighbors have since been missing a rooster, they described him and I realized it was the same one who had challenged me before. So fine citizens, innocent folk, hide your cat food, lock your doors, and by all means, keep your brooms handy, for you may meet this feathered devil.....a horror to even be thought of. And remember, be polite, it always pays It's almost here, the dawning on a new year. Chritsmas has passed with a happy sigh, and we await that certain date.For some it gives a sense of loss, a sense of regret for things they haven't done. For others.... a feeling of happiness, the knowledge that we have survived yet another year, a hope for new beginnings. We all have things we wish we could change, some are impossible, others, we just dont have the strength it takes to mend. And yet, there's the deep satisfaction of looking around and seeing the things that mean the most, and thinking " It's still right here". As the mountians become white and the trees twinkle with ice, I get a feeling of peace. Not only because of the beauty which is so clearly evident, but because I know that with summers leave, winter comes, the earth freezes over, the air, which once held the smell of flowers, now holds the smell of new snow. I am also reminded, that with winters leave, it all begins again, the flowers peek their heads out of the snowy banks, and the trees drip away the ice which was there. Shedding the old, and bringing in the new, as they call it, and for me, it represents new possiblities. A new year which can be greater than the last. America, has had a rocky year, yes very rocky indeed. But hopefully, it can all be mended with this new year, which should be a time of celebration and gratitude. So, with the bringing of the new year, will you have regrets? Will you have none? Will you smile with satisfaction, or frown with bad memories? Whatever the feelings, whatever the case, all can change with effort. And as easily as mother nature does, with the melting of the snow, and the growing of the flowers, the old, can always be shed, and happiness can be felt. With love an open mind and open heart, all can be accomplished. May God bless you all, have a wonderful New year. Midnight 12-30-03 Such a confusing age! 12-20-03 Most of you can look back and remember what it was like to be young, hyped and underage. Dating, popularity, peer pressure, I'm sure you can remember those also. But, times have changed, and with that, standards are raised. As most of you probably do not know, I am indeed, 17 years old. For the last two years, I have been homeschooling, which I consider a blessing. I look back on the kids I used to laugh and joke with, we seemed so far away from any of the "real" problems, only concerned about our shade of lipstick, or the "cute new boy" we had our eye on. Now, I keep myself absorbed in, what seems, endless homework, and as far as "cute new boys" I have dropped dating for a while, so I can concentrate more on my education. I think it was for the best that I took on homeschooling, after all, I can attend class in my pajamas, the worries of silly fights, have practically vanished. It's no longer considered a complete disaster if my hair or makeup isn't perfect. Quite frankly, it's taken a load off my shoulders. But, as I have changed, so have my old buddies. Last week I received a call from a friend. Whenever I attended public school, she was the one I used to whisper my secrets to, the girl I used to cry to when my boyfriend dumped me for a cheerleader. I found myself crying once again, not to her, but "for" her. She is now, 16, pregnant, married, and, above all, the marriage is somewhat abusive. I was at a loss for words when she sprang all of this on me. It was hard to believe that this was the once carefree 14 year old girl that had dreams of becoming a nurse, or a doctor. Now she seems to have let those dreams fade. The worries of, " Does this shirt match these pants?" have been replaced with "I wonder if we can pay the electric bill this month?" I was very shaken after I received this call, I felt guilty, ashamed, that I hadn't been there for her. It was a rude wake up call, and I realized just how lucky I was, it could just have easily been myself had I taken a few wrong turns. Sometimes I find myself looking around, wishing, that I could have been born at a more simple time, when so much wasn't expected. But was there ever really a time that the "real" qualities that make a person were appreciated? When material things and your rank on the social scale weren't the most important assets? Even out of the public school system, the stress, can still sometimes be overwhelming. The ever present need to push myself to make those I love proud, knowing that so many are counting on me to be successful, is exhausting. My heart beats faster when I think that, one day, as I depend on my family for care, I will have one of my own, depending on me to fix every disaster. This, quite frankly, scares me to death. And though I have many that love me, adore me, I still at times feel as if Im completely alone. Almost alien to those I know. I guess that is just one of the many "joys" of getting older. Every parents fear, can be summed up in one word, drugs. But, most will debate that their child would never make that mistake, their child "knows better." But, you would be amazed what a few convincing friends could make in the difference of a young persons decisions. I remember standing in the bathroom at school and my friends begging me to "try it just once." And as most teenagers do, I experimented, and quickly found that I detested it. This is one thing that I truly thank God for everyday. I have lost many of my friends, due to the fact, that they have fallen to the seemingly harmless charm of drugs. To most, I think, it is an escape. An escape from the world of absurd expectations brought on by the younger community. My brother, a video game fanatic of 13 has just started middle school. Everyday, I worry that he may take that step, that fall, step into the wrong crowd and get sucked into their ways. And I do know, from experience, the facade he presents when he's home, has nothing to do with the entirely different one he wears at school. He's smart, full of potential, can make you burst into laughter at a moments notice, but aren't most? I pray that he stays that way. Most would be amazed at how much is available at even his tender age. Now, innocence is hard to come by, and even harder to keep. I remember thinking, " Noone understands me!" and, still feel that way from time to time. Im at the point in my life at the moment where I am trying to figure which direction I want to go. Which road, I want to take. I have dreams, oh yes, many of them! And I intend chasing them, and my resolve is that nothing, will misdirect me. Like any other teenager, I hunger for the taste of independence, though I am frightened by the thought at times. But I also realize, that these are the years I will miss when I finally get that hunger appeased. And also, the immature feeling of "The world revolves around me" is still present from time to time. My mother can tell you this is the gospel. I am still normal in that sense. We all have our flaws, I suppose. In a few months, I turn 18, oh yes, that number which we all anticipate at one time. My mother informed me a few days ago "Yep, 18, then 20, that's when the years speed by, then before you know it, your 40." This gave me the sense that my life "was" speeding by. And I want to accomplish so much before that happens. It seems that yesterday I was wearing pig tails and making mud pies. In a few months, whenever I do turn that golden age, I am considering joining the marines, this of course, has gotten quite a few not so happy replies from family members. But, I have the need to explore, to see what's out there, to help people, and this, is what I want. Nothing is written in stone yet, but it is one of my many possible goals, which could change at a moments notice. Such a confusing age! Take Care and God bless! |